I've been doing a lot of praying lately. For one specific thing. During my quiet time this morning, I was reading about answered prayer. It got me thinking.

What happens if God chooses not to answer the way I want Him to? I know He will answer. I just may not like his answer. It causes me to ask some questions that I am not sure I want the answer to.

There have been numerous times in my life where I prayed and the answer was no. I remember while doing CPR on Ava, crying out to God to save her, knowing HE could, but he chose not to. I remember after Josh got hurt, praying for God to heal him, yet again, he chose not to.

Why would I choose to follow a Lord who allows me so much pain? Why is there so much pain we have to suffer? Why does God choose to heal some and not others? So many questions that will probably not be answered on this side of heaven.

Then I remember. How would I have ever made it through the trials in life without him? HE was the one who sustained me through my grief. He was the one who stood by me when no one else knew what to say. He was the one who carried me through when I thought I could not take another breath.

So, what happens if God's answer is "no" to my ever pleading request?

I know God will still be God. I will not question his sovereignty. He has proved that to me time and again. I will continue to question pain. Why he chooses to heal some and not others. If praying for healing will change God's mind or if it is more for me.

All I know is that if I continue to seek God, and not rely on the things of this world, I will continue to be sustained by my Father, the one who created the Earth, the one who created me, the one who cares about me, the one who cares about my heart.

Thought I'd let you all know that we're still alive and kicking. I have been updating but at www.greenhouseminstries.org

You can catch us there. Hope all is well with all you, my blogging friends.

For updates on Josh, visit the church's website. The address is www.greenhouseministries.org. Please know how much we love and appreciate each and every one of you!

So the answer to the question we've all been waiting for. What are we having? Well, we went in today at 2:15, Josh, Zoe and me. It only took about 20-30 seconds to see that we are definitely having a BOY!!!!! He loved showing himself off and showing off his manliness! We are both so excited. Zoe, on the other hand, is NOT. She was actually crying saying "But I want a girl so she can sleep in my room!" It was too cute. She definitely understood very quickly that a boy meant that he was going to share a room with Noah. Josh is so excited that it is hilarious. He was grinning from ear to ear when we saw it was a boy. He is psyched! Noah came home from school and we asked what he wanted to be in mommy's tummy. He says, "Boy?" I said yes, you are having a brother. Then he says, "Me watch Noddy now?" (his favorite cartoon on PBS). He is a bit indifferent and it's so typical of Noah. We just love him to pieces. So, everything came back completely normal except for the circumference of his head which is measuring larger than the rest of his body. Now sure how much or what it means so we're just going to wait to start worrying when they tell us we have something to worry about. So, at this point, we couldn't be more excited, the baby looks great and mom looks....fat. Oh well.

Make an online slide show at onetruemedia.com

Merry Christmas to all our friends out there! Sitting here being thankful for our friends and family, but especially for our God who is ever faithful to us. Christmas has a way of bringing both joy and pain to the surface. I am thankful for that. It always feels good to have a long conversation with someone that you know is real and to the heart of how you really feel.

Josh and I had a great heart to heart in the car today. We took a 2 day trip down to Orlando with my parents, Holly and Jay, and all the kids (no we don't smoke crack). It went surprisingly well. It also gives you a lot of time to sit in the car and talk. I love feeling like my husband understands me and knows how I feel. I realize this is probably part of the job expectations but it's appreciated all the same. We had some great conversations about our 3 kids and the fourth on the way.

We are now in Orlando in a great 6 bedroom house I could easily move into. All the kids tired themselves out swimming tonight. They are now all snug as a bug and looking forward to our Christmas together tomorrow morning. Blessings to you all and Merry Christmas!